My Monk-ly Moments

I’m learning to be a monk. Actually, I think I’m already a monk, but I’m learning how to come out of the closet (or cloister might be a more monk-ly word). My monk-ly moments obviously include times when I want to retreat to some quiet place, or I want to be alone with my thoughts, reflections and prayers…but I’m learning that, more importantly, it means that I give myself permission to discover and create a rhythm to my days (something I’m not all that good at yet); to be willing to let go of some of the trappings of institutional survival that shrink-wraps so many aspects of leading church in these transitional times. I’m learning to let my anxieties go…like gently pushing a canoe off a shore of a still lake. I am learning to detect the brief sparkles of God in the peripheries of my vision when I’m doing my daily chores. Some might think that being a pastor would give me ample opportunity and excuse to be a monk, and in many respects, that is so. But not always. In fact, sometimes it complicates matters. Sometimes I think I’m worshipping God, only to find I’ve been too self-focused on my own performance in worship. I’ve been too attentive to trying to please everyone else, but may have neglected offering my own broken and contrite heart to God, truly and with authenticity. Sometimes I think I’m giving my all, making selfless sacrifices for the good of others, only to find myself exhausted and burned out, with God asking why hadn’t I trusted the other people God sent to be my companions and partners in my labors? Why did I feel I had to do it all myself? God made us for mutuality, not isolation. Learning to be a monk means, not that I isolate myself from the world, but that I learn how to see God in the essence of each and every moment. These are Monk-ly Moments.

Finding My Joy

I started a personal journey about a month ago. I wanted to explore JOY. Not because I’m an expert, but because I was hungering for it. So, as a preacher by trade…I did the thing I do the best: preach to myself. What I discovered within my four-week exploring was some interesting manifestations of Joy. (I felt a little like John Wesley preaching on grace…that in itself perked me up…And then a little like C.S. Lewis, when joy sprung out and took me by surprise!) ANTICIPATING JOY. I love to have something to look forward to, and I realized I wasn’t doing that as much as I use to when my life’s schedule was more topsy-turvy. But Jesus kept giving his disciples things they could look forward to… “I”ll go away, but I’ll be back,” “God will give you an advocate,” “You’ll do greater things than I’ve done.” So, I began to find things to look forward to. But joy isn’t the same as just things that make you happy, so I also began to anticipate that joy might have something in store for me that I couldn’t quite imagine. ..and that also was something to look forward to! EMERGING JOY. This is the growing light- at-the-end-of-a tunnel experience. It’s not big or thunderous. It’s tiny and twinkling, just glimpsed from peripheral vision. What emerging joy does for me is refocus from the big picture to the immediate present. Joy is emerging. Watch for it..right here, just a glimpse, at my feet! Emerging joy happens in the present, but is not completed in the present. It draws me forward, it motivates change and hope. It’s the vital energy that comes back to me as an affirmation from the Universe that I’m on the right track. It’s the manna for the day, that tells me to take one more step, and then another. So, I began to pay attention to my peripheral vision each day. What joy might be emerging in a word, or a brief conversation, a task completed, a creative energy? EMPOWERING JOY. This is the big stuff…it was the Pentecost joy, the leap-into-dance joy. It’s the a-ha moment, when all seems to fall together and the world opens like it’s been triggered by the correct secret password. It’s the hurricane wind and wildfire joy that catches up everything in its path. No more explanation needed. LIVING JOY. This is the joy that comes when I’ve reclaimed my center, my truest purposes and being. I can walk this joy day to day, no matter what comes because it is deeper than and truer than the world, the self, the ego. Living joy is the treasure hidden in clay pots of mylife. By paying attention to the other joys…I found this living joy sneaking up on me and sitting right by my side, where it’s been all along, giggling. O Joy to the world!