My Monk-ly Moments

I’m learning to be a monk. Actually, I think I’m already a monk, but I’m learning how to come out of the closet (or cloister might be a more monk-ly word). My monk-ly moments obviously include times when I want to retreat to some quiet place, or I want to be alone with my thoughts, reflections and prayers…but I’m learning that, more importantly, it means that I give myself permission to discover and create a rhythm to my days (something I’m not all that good at yet); to be willing to let go of some of the trappings of institutional survival that shrink-wraps so many aspects of leading church in these transitional times. I’m learning to let my anxieties go…like gently pushing a canoe off a shore of a still lake. I am learning to detect the brief sparkles of God in the peripheries of my vision when I’m doing my daily chores. Some might think that being a pastor would give me ample opportunity and excuse to be a monk, and in many respects, that is so. But not always. In fact, sometimes it complicates matters. Sometimes I think I’m worshipping God, only to find I’ve been too self-focused on my own performance in worship. I’ve been too attentive to trying to please everyone else, but may have neglected offering my own broken and contrite heart to God, truly and with authenticity. Sometimes I think I’m giving my all, making selfless sacrifices for the good of others, only to find myself exhausted and burned out, with God asking why hadn’t I trusted the other people God sent to be my companions and partners in my labors? Why did I feel I had to do it all myself? God made us for mutuality, not isolation. Learning to be a monk means, not that I isolate myself from the world, but that I learn how to see God in the essence of each and every moment. These are Monk-ly Moments.